woe is me

It has already been a year and things haven't changed. I am tempted to think that perhaps this is it...this is all you can give and this is all I can have. Perhaps it is just plain ridiculous for me to think that we can be more that we already are right now...that perhaps you are that one person who can handle me...that perhaps you're enlightened and brave enough to love me. As much as I would love to believe in fairy tales and happy endings, I think being realistic and accepting that I'm bound to get my heard broken over and over and over again unless I finally give up on you will save me.

I don't like feeling insecure...I don't like having to always measure up to the women...or should I say "girls" you surround yourself with. How the heck can a homely thirty something girl compete with sexy, young girls in their 20's??? I'm not saying you're shallow and that your main criteria for considering a woman lovable is mainly physical, but I know what type of women you're attracted to...I know that you like tall, slim women with long, straight hair...I am small, fat and I've got short wavy hair...I'm everything you're not interested in. What the heck gave me the idea that you are into me???

I'm a hopeless case...I'm not liking myself right now :(