unwell...

I'm tired and I should be sleeping by now, but if I don't get this out of my head I don't think I'll be able to sleep. It's been a long time since I last visited this place. Well it's not like I've left the waiting room...perhaps I just don't know anymore what I'm waiting for.

I'm not fine. Love month is about to end and like what I said when this month started I have been working hard to make this month meaningful to the people around me...what I forgot is that each time I try to do something special for people in this month I end up feeling really sorry for myself since nobody actually ever does anything special for me in this month...I'm not fine.

I can't do anything about things...I can't make people feel things...I can't make people change their minds...all I can do is find things that would make me happy. What sucks is that although I actually have a lot of things to be thankful for...still I feel empty for not having love.

It's not easy to not think negative things...I'm starting to think that perhaps no one is capable of loving me...